My Grandmother was diagnosed with liver and bowel cancer in September. Today was her funeral. She is a Christian and when my Uncle prayed with her on November 10th, 2010 at 10:10pm she passed away. Her breathing was hoarse and she was gasping for air for quite some time but when my Uncle prayed with her her breathing returned to normal. A split second later she was gone.
I’ve never felt so much heartache in my life than what this made me feel. I was planning to sing Slipped Away by Avril Lavigne but I just couldn’t. I was feeling so much emotion that I would break down in front of everyone.
My Grandmother was the most selfless person I can ever think of. She would play constantly with me when I was young even if it was the same thing over and over. I’m 17 now and she was doing the same thing with my 6 year old cousin. She never complained. Even when she was in the hospital and in pain, or was uncomfortable, or when she lost control of her bladder, she wouldn’t tell anyone. She was very independent but maybe that was also her weakness.
At the funeral I talked to a woman who remembered me from when I was young. She told me to never forget my Grandmother and to keep her image in my head and heart. I told her this was a difficult task because the image that is in both my head and my heart is the one the day before she died where she was nearly skin and bones. She held my hand and told me to remember the best memory I’ve ever had with her. I told her: “Susie and I always used to go to the cemetery after church with a bag of peanuts and feed the squirrels and watch them. It was my favorite thing to do and I loved her for always sharing it with me.” By this time I was crying. She looked into my eyes near tears herself and said “then remember those times.”
My friends showed up at the funeral for support. I didn’t ask them to but there they were with a big bouquet of flowers and some cards all in front of my family. It was so kind and so amazing. I took a picture of my flowers and placed the video of Slipped Away by Avril Lavigne below.
My new layout goes out to Susie (Grandmother) because purple is her favorite color. She can’t come back to me but I can go to her.
Questions
1. Have you lost someone/something that has made a huge impact on you?
2. (If yes) How long ago?
3. Do you know someone who has lost someone/something? If yes, explain their situation.
While my boyfriend and I were at the Hullaballoo (a large community kind of yard-sale that is a fundraiser for the hospital) I picked out something that would be funny to give to my Grandmother. I then asked my boyfriend if he wanted to walk to her house so we could give it to her and he said yes. I then said never mind, you don’t want to and he got insanely pissed off.
He then admitted to me that he is always sad when it comes to our relationship so I told him that I would rather see him happy with another person than to be sad with me and that I would let him go. He stormed off crying and I walked after him because I knew he was extremely upset. He started hyperventilating and wasn’t able to breathe so I had to calm him down.
I told him that we can’t be together if I make you sad and that fights are going to continue to happen because he doesn’t have the ability to not let small things go. Letting small things get to a person and causing a fight over them is not worth it because it ruins the relationship. Also, if I say how I feel about anything or he asks me how I’m feeling and I tell him he gets angry with me if I tell him anything that I feel about him. I think that’s wrong. Even if what I say makes him upset I can’t help how I feel. Am I supposed to hide how I feel about everything in fear that he will get angry if I say anything? If so then I’m not doing it. I can’t and won’t change who I am. Sure, I’ll change some of the bad things and I have done that but this may be too much change. I told him he needs to stop letting little things get to him and he just said well you need to stop doing little things.
I don’t know what to do. Is it my responsibility to make this relationship work? Is it his because he needs to learn those things? Is it both of ours?
Taking time off from each other isn’t something that’s necessary. We only see each other 1 day a week. If we are lucky sometimes maybe 2 and they are never full days.
I feel a break up coming on and I don’t want this. We planned to have children together and he’s so amazing. He just has an anger problem. He’s unlike any other guy because he doesn’t look at women like their meat, thinks using women is disgusting, and is just overall the most amazing guy.
I’m breaking apart at the seams as I write this… I can barely see the keyboard.
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