While my boyfriend and I were at the Hul­la­bal­loo (a large com­mu­nity kind of yard-sale that is a fundraiser for the hos­pi­tal) I picked out some­thing that would be funny to give to my Grand­mother. I then asked my boyfriend if he wanted to walk to her house so we could give it to her and he said yes. I then said never mind, you don’t want to and he got insanely pissed off.

He then admit­ted to me that he is always sad when it comes to our rela­tion­ship so I told him that I would rather see him happy with another per­son than to be sad with me and that I would let him go. He stormed off cry­ing and I walked after him because I knew he was extremely upset. He started hyper­ven­ti­lat­ing and wasn’t able to breathe so I had to calm him down.

I told him that we can’t be together if I make you sad and that fights are going to con­tinue to hap­pen because he doesn’t have the abil­ity to not let small things go. Let­ting small things get to a per­son and caus­ing a fight over them is not worth it because it ruins the rela­tion­ship. Also, if I say how I feel about any­thing or he asks me how I’m feel­ing and I tell him he gets angry with me if I tell him any­thing that I feel about him. I think that’s wrong. Even if what I say makes him upset I can’t help how I feel. Am I sup­posed to hide how I feel about every­thing in fear that he will get angry if I say any­thing? If so then I’m not doing it. I can’t and won’t change who I am. Sure, I’ll change some of the bad things and I have done that but this may be too much change. I told him he needs to stop let­ting lit­tle things get to him and he just said well you need to stop doing lit­tle things.

I don’t know what to do. Is it my respon­si­bil­ity to make this rela­tion­ship work? Is it his because he needs to learn those things? Is it both of ours?

Tak­ing time off from each other isn’t some­thing that’s nec­es­sary. We only see each other 1 day a week. If we are lucky some­times maybe 2 and they are never full days.

I feel a break up com­ing on and I don’t want this. We planned to have chil­dren together and he’s so amaz­ing. He just has an anger prob­lem. He’s unlike any other guy because he doesn’t look at women like their meat, thinks using women is dis­gust­ing, and is just over­all the most amaz­ing guy.

I’m break­ing apart at the seams as I write this… I can barely see the keyboard.